After we sell this house. I will have nothing. My life will be a joke filled with debt I must pay back after carrying him for so long. I just want the next chapter to begin. 2013 is going to be a great year.
This year has brought about so many changes in both large and small. There is one that I am not ready to share with everyone in my life. Why do I wish to keep it tucked within? I don’t know I guess because it brings that part of my life 100% into focus of what has happened and the long road ahead with the baggage of the past. Why am I not open with everyone because I have been hurt, used and walked over many times. I have not listened to everyone in my life for so long, and all I needed to do was reach out and they were there to catch me when I needed them which I will be forever thankful for. But from this I will come out stronger, I will take what life brings and change the path of the future. This too has happened for a reason, and I will not look at it in a negative way; simply learn and grow.
Time to get the backpack out, get that ticket and just leave to recollect, find myself again. While writing this I got a call from one of my best friends who made me remember how very lucky and fortunate I am to have such great friends. Who wouldn’t smile thinking of T-Rex trying to put on a ball cap.
To the future, to my future, to live life to the fullest with many changes and experiences.
So reading and watching allot of interesting things lately. I am wanting to learn more and do more but need to get out of this town. I kind of feel a mistake was made moving here. Bit then I have to remind myself that “every thing happens for a reason” and that I have the power to change it
with my mind. Listened to an interesting TED talk today from a psychotherapist that has partnered up and has created the “muse” the company is called IntraXon. Wow and its amazing harnessing the brain waves to do what you tell it. The entropy of focus and thought. They had a set up in Vancouver where you could adjust the lighting in parliament, cn tower and Niagara with just your thought. People probably were assuming it want real. But my question to those scientists at IntraXon is what about the people who can walk into a room and already sense the energy… What about those of us that can be out spoken but when put into a one on one or with a closed group find it hard to talk with all the uneasiness from others. I have been analyzed and considered a chameleon who can work with all people. But can this thought process this science help me understand a different me? Why I retain so much and can recall a fragment of a memory, why oddities are attracted or how I know when something good will come. I can, believe in the power of thought…. But can they analyze us… The ones who live their science every day???
…. Another rambling blog entry….
In sw Ontario, you know the province with the most people well unless you live in Toronto you don’t matter. We are getting rid off cable and going with internet only. eek, big step but I will be ok with it. I am going to look asst some other companies as well because chico sucks..
I find myself sitting back and thinking lately. What else do i want to experience, what places on my bucket list. I want to see and do so much. I want to help others achieve their dreams. And continue to make memories for others. I truly have a rewarding, unglamorous job. I take on the stress of person, couple, or family. Right now I am doing so in an environment I am not sure I can grow in. I am stifled and feel that resolve slipping. I look at my artist friends in awe that they know what they want and are achieving them. I have family, friends and love… That’s enough right, how do i get back to my creative side and back into the backstage entertainment world? location scout i think is still my dream job or working with bands assisting with booking their travel arrangements. I know high stress but I MISS the entertainment side of things. I find myself seeking the company and friendships of videographers, band members and producers. Just to talk shop, have i really been gone so long or only because i left my circle in Edmonton. …… How do i get it back?
I have for the first time in my life booked a week
But going for walks on the water si wouldn’t change for the world.
So we have packed up our house over a month ago, put it into a moving truck and we’re heading out in a couple of weeks to start the next chapter of our lives. We are moving to Sarnia, Ontario. I’m both nervous, scared and excited all at once. It’s the furthest I’ve ever moved, but we are moving to better things. I can’t wait to arrive and get settled. We have big plans; Randy’s going to school, much better chance at home ownership! Truly excited to see where this takes us.
What i’m most apprehensive about is all the hidden money pits that are going to undoubtedly going to come up along the way; like the struts on my car. Oh I hope I can find a mechanic that will let me labour on my car myself and use some of their expert advice and tools so I can fix it and not rely on paying for the labor. GAH stupid safety tests for different provinces.
But I’m also excited for some cheap housing; Walks on the water, camping with sandy beaches, being able to hop on the train to Chicago for a weekend for cheap. Going to sporting events in the states and Toronto. Most of all we’ll have family around. I’ll finally get to meet the Zakoor side of Randy’s family who i’ve never been able to meet, asides from Uncle Cary and Trish. It’ll be great to meet up with them and get to see another side of the family that greatly influenced him growing up. I’ve been brushing up on my darts!
But first we need to make it to Ontario. That journey is beginning on April 16th and we are going to go at a leisurely pace; and plan to arrive in Sarnia on April 26th. I don’t start work until may 2nd and then i’m off to Punta Cana on May 13th. We are going to do a night in Saskatoon 3 nights in Weyburn, 3 nights in winnipeg and then Thunder Bay, sault St. Marie, Barrie then Finally arriving into Sarnia.
I’ve met an extremely helpful friend in Sarnia already and she’s offered to share her vegetable garden with me this year since we won’t actually have a back yard. She is a photographer,and has two dogs as well. So here’s hoping it all works out and i still get to do it. We are really going to buckle down and pay off as much debt as possible in the next year. We are both super dedicated and if Randy is feeling good it’s very easily attainable.
We’re excited for this next chapter, our family is Heading East.